读懂一篇英文笑话不算什么;P，但是能读懂所有的笑话才算了不起:lol。笑话里面融合了太多的生活经验、共同认识、文化常识、社会背景。笑话是生活的润滑剂，是人们打破尴尬的良药，是许多演讲者的成功秘诀。

关键是：笑话不枯燥。看不懂的词语和句子你会主动去查，看不明白的笑话你会想弄明白。从中能够学到很多东西。

ArthurGG在此征集1000个你读过的最有趣的英文笑话。本次活动旨在提升大家对这种英语小短文的兴趣。平时不读？上网找呀。被找光了？自己写呀！

要求：不要重复。这就要求你在贴新的笑话的时候要把以前贴的所有笑话都读一遍。如果发现贴重复的举报给我，减他的分加给你！如果你真能把10000个笑话读完并且都读懂，甚至能记住一些，那英语角聊天算什么？讲几晚上笑话专场都没问题！！！

关于思想性不做过多要求，各种笑话都可以，但要语言有趣不可恶俗，但ArthurGG保留删除过分笑话的权利。

语言？当然用英文贴。一定要自己读过并且惹你笑的才算，不能看也不看就贴过来。如果笑话中有难点，可以用红色突出显示，提请读者注意。

来吧，大家奔走相告，一起打造烟雨楼台第一长贴！人民群众的力量是无穷的！:handshake烟大2万学生，贴1000个笑话难不难？100个来贴，每人10个，也够了，哈哈！

好贴加分！:victory:

[ 本帖最后由 ArthurGG 于 2006-1-27 05:14 编辑 ]

Judgement  

Judges don't always seem to make sense. A man found himself in front of a judge on two matters. In the first, the man's wife was trying to get a divorce because he was impotent. In the second, his secretary wanted child support. The man lost both cases!

Little Johnny and Stranger  

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Birth-control Pills  

A woman well into her eighties begged her doctor for birth-control pills so she could sleep better. The doctor refused her request, but she kept begging.

Finally he gave in. A month later the woman returned and asked for more pills. The doctor said, "Do they really help you sleep better? There's not one word in the literature about the sedative effect of this pill. How does it work for you?"

The old woman said, "In the morning I put one in my granddaughter's juice. I sleep like a log!"

Blind Man and Blonde Joke  

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it nine times."

Kidding  

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Knowing the Difference  

An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, "what the hell was that for?". She replied, "That was for 50 years of the worst sex I ever had!"

As they continued down the road, suddenly the man hit his wife square in the face. She turned to him and said, "what was that for?"

He said, "that, was for knowing the difference."

An american came to china for travelling , lived in an agricultural family in the locality , got up in the morning, saw that there was a cat in the courtyard, played with the cat. The household's old lady came out at this time, said:"鼓捣猫呢(gu dao mao ne)?" The american answered "good morning! ".

By evening, as soon as the old lady saw the american washing clothes, the old lady said:" 鼓捣衣服呢(gu dao yi fu ne)"? The american answered "good evening ".

At night, the american steeped a cup of milk, plan to finish drinking and sleep, seen by the old lady, asked to the american: "鼓捣奶呢(gu dao nai ne)" ? The american Heart admire really, Chinese terribly, even the old lady speaking English so kindly!

Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty, old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, "Is this what I come home to after a hard day's work?"

Mrs. Jones's neighbour, Mrs. Smith, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones's words, she quickly said goodbye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her best dress and her prettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.

When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, "And where are you going this evening?"

There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.

　　The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."

　　"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."

No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice.

"Find a girl just like your mother -- then, she's bound to like her."

So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her".

"So," asked the friend, "what happened?"

"Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

法官不总是似乎有道理。 一个男人在二个物质上在一个法官之前发现他自己。 因为他是无力的，所以在第一次中，男人的妻子正在尝试得到一次离婚。 在第二次中，他的秘书想要孩子支援。 男人遗失了两者的情形!

[ 本帖最后由 snowman 于 2006-3-18 20:56 编辑 ]

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

我在厕所里看到这么一句话:
drop it like it is hot....
呵呵

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

Let me  take it  down

  An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

              为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。